I have a theory. A theory I've voiced to friends. A theory I'm going to share with you here today.
My theory is that there is a conspiracy to keep fat women from wearing bathing suits.
Here is why I've come to this conclusion..
Last summer I was in the market for a new bathing suit. My old one was worn, and well, just completely unflattering. Every single suit I tried on was floral. Fat women look awful in floral. Fat women look awful in many large printed patterns, for that matter. Well, not all fat women, and not all patterns. But it's not easy to pull off on the best of days.
So I have come to the conclusion that in order to keep fat women from parading around in swimsuits, we'll just be given nothing but ugly options for swimsuits, therefore deciding it best we avoid the beach altogether.
Well, I bought a swimsuit. And yes, unfortunately, the bust of the suit is of a floral nature. But this summer, I will wear my floral swimsuit with pride! Because I love going to the beach. And God Damnit! The beach is going to love me!