Sunday, January 24, 2010


So... What has she been up to you may be asking?

Well the answer is, this fat girl went out and got herself a boyfriend! Yes folks, a real live one! He was cute too! And apparently into big girls. I say was, because the relationship recently ended. On good terms, I might add, and we plan to remain friends.

Anyway, what I want to talk about today is not the end of the relationship, but the beginning. Of course, as can be expected, I was nervous to "bare all" and crawl out of my fat girl shell.

I asked some of the questions I'm always curious about when a man shows an interest. "Why do you like me? I'm fat, why are you into that? Have you always dated big girls?"

And Oh Gawd! His answers were perfect. "I like you because you're a great person. It doesn't matter what size you are, I don't care about that, you're beautiful. I've always been more attracted to bigger girls."

Even though he reassured me many times, in many ways how attractive he found me, and even though I felt comfortable with him, it remained difficult to show all my fat girl parts to him, at least while the room was lighted. But even in the dark, knowing he'd been up close and personal with my body, I still felt the need to hide, whether under the shred of blanket I could find, or pulling my hair down to cover rolls.

He of course, didn't understand this. I at times don't understand it. I can be feeling confident in myself, in my appearance, feeling sexy even. And then it happens... That thought creeps into the back of my mind... "You think you're hot, but you're still a fatty."

I go onto websites like, and see these women showing off all of their curves, just oozing with self-confidence. I'm so jealous of these women.

I know I'll never be thin. But I would love at some point in my life to feel completely confident in my appearance. To walk into a room, and own it. Not think, "They're looking cause I'm the fat girl."

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